scream for help..! need a painkiller..he he...

The head splits
Pain dances across the scalp
I cannot sit still,
without screaming out.

Disjointed words slash away.
CUT, disfigure,Miam-maul, scrape
bunches of flesh, snatched & scoured.
Burn, Bleed, Carve, Pull it all out.

Nausea builds, I cannot escape.
Questions keep battering,
inside my brain,

I need ESCAPE..!!

someone hand me a disprin....this headache is killing me

regrets......

A glance is all I allow myself,
I fear to reveal what all I feel,
I hide behind my insecurities
little knowing its consequences,
that I am pushing you away.

One day I find myself talking;
Only to thin air.
The walls I have built around myself,
are too hard to break away.
And even walking through them,
I do not find u again.

I wanted to keep my distance.
I wanted to keep myself safe.
I believed I could walk tall and strong, all alone.
I believed I never needed anyone.

I do not need to believe anymore.
I am alone.

a collection of life's choices

Each and every person is a collection of choices he has made in life. From what we eat, listen, do and do all these with, all of it are conscious choices made each and everyday. These choices mould him and govern him and control him and make him the person that he is. Initially he is the one making the choice, as governed by free will and then the choices make him.

For each and every time we make a choice, we choose what we want to live with and how. We choose one path over the other, closing doors as we go along, and though we might believe that we would or could go back and have a look at what we had left behind, the path has already changed directions and does not remain the same. The choice is made. We may feel that we are going back to what we may have rejected earlier, to explore, but the circumstances and the reality of the same has changed, and thus it is an overall new choice and not the desired one.

But what does one do, if one regrets the choices that one has made and realizes that some things cannot be changed? Is it then, the ego which holds us back, or is it logic or is it that really that the choice just does not exist any more?

and some more thots....

What does one do, when after being given something, it is snatched back? When one knows that it has been taken back and the same cannot be regenerated again? Can one just sit back and regret what has happened or can one go ahead and grab it back?
It feels like a deliberate act to hurt, though I know that is not the case. It is a deliberate action to not hurt oneself, to not get hurt anymore

hitchhiking

This is an excerpt from hitchhikers, which i keep going back to over and over again

"He felt that his whole life was some kind of a dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it."

i dreamt....

I am with my sisters …in a huge pool like structure…wherein the pool slants upwards away from us..its not like a regular pool….u can imagine it as a dammed version of a pool…the way the dam’s wall rises against the sky….but its walled in all 4 sides..(half the pool is formed in this manner) the other half has steps which seem to go down…to something…(the impression being the sea - but you can see it). There are a lot of people around…and you see them as you would..if u were sketching out a seaside…just blurred figures…no faces...just stick figures...all around…giving the impression of a lot of people…behind us there seem to be large roman columns(they are part of a building)...2-3 floored structures.

We are walking down the steps (this is the other half of the pool)...we plan to sit on the steps as we don’t want to get into the water….when suddenly the whole place seems to fill up water and the structure behind us also gets completely flooded…this is not like rushing water ..but quite still water which just envelopes this whole place….like in a vaccum

I feel myself swimming and trying to get out. I swim out of the 2nd floor passage and towards the central courtyard. The courtyard has no water and i sort of am about to jump through this wall of water out, when i realise that my sisters are not with me. So i go back in and find my elder sister first and get her out. Then i go back in for my younger sister. While this is happening, i have this impression that months has passed and not only a few moments. I can see people floating in this vaccum of water. I finally come across my sister and start pulling her out of the water, when suddenly the water starts subsiding and everyone slowly starts coming out of the limbo they were in....

and i wake up...

still haven't been able to decipher why i had this dream and what it might have meant....